By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
