Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
