why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
