theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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