Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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