i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
