yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
