I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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