he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
