She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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