Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm jealous of your bromance
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
