She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
this hospital has no fireball
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
