Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
