What did we do last night that was yellow?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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