I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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