how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
