$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
