Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
