You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
