ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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