We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
someone owes me an orgasm
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
