I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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