I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
