i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
