i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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