I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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