worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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