I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize