She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
