my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
