Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
