You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
