I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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