fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
