When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
