is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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