You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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