The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
