On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wannas sexs uuuuu
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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