Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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