Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
