omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
