It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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