I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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