we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
