Pants 0. Shit 1.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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