you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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