im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize