Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Michael Bay diarrhea
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
