The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
