Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
