i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
