My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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