Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
