I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
