Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
