im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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