try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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