the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
