Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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