I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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