Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
