This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
