Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
