So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
