I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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