I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
