we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
