Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
