I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
