How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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