You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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